Päriselust eemale kistud lapsed

Liigne turvalisusPostimees.ee avaldas Õpetajate Lehes ilmunud arvamusloo, kus Mari Klein kirjeldab, kuidas mõjus talle teade, et tema lapse lasteaiaõpetaja lahkus töökohalt. Ma saan aru, et jutu fookus peaks olema selles, kuidas õpetajate madalad palgad mõjutavad kaudselt laste heaolu, kuid minu jaoks jäi kõlama mõte sellest, kuidas vanem ühe ette tuleva raskuse pärast täielikult oma sisemise tasakaalu kaotab. Ja mõte sellest, millise mõra hoopis lapse maailma lööb.

Loomulikult olen ma nõus väitega, et õpetaja mõjutab lapse vaimset heaolu väga suurel määral ning kahjuks ei teadvusta ka vanemad seda enesele piisavalt. Lasteaiast on moodsa vanema jaoks saanud kahjuks pigem teenus. Annad lapse üle ukse ja eeldad, et kõik on hästi. Seda, et õpetaja võib lapse päeva, tuju ja heaolu emmest-issist mõnikord rohkemgi mõjutada, tajub vanem kahjuks enamasti alles siis kui tekivad probleemid.

Loomulikult tahab iga vanem oma lapsele parimat. Mis on see müstiline „parim“, sõltub sellest, millised on vanema väärtushinnangud. See, mis ühe jaoks määrav, on teise jaoks tähtsusetu. Ometi tuleks selle ideaali poole püüeldes päriselu meelde tuletada. Nii nagu ei saa lapsed valida oma perekonda ja vanemaid, ei saa vanemad kontrollida täielikult keskkonda, milles nende lapsed kasvavad. Heaolust mõmiseva ühiskonna poole püüeldes soovime me oma laste ümbrusest isoleerida kõik halva. See on omamoodi inkubaator, mille sees on kõik steriilne ja kontrollitud. Kui olukord kaldub ideaalist kõrvale, haarab meid paanika. Kuid kui kaugel oleme me ameeriklastest, kes algklassilapsele metallist söögiriistu anda ei julge?

Tõde on see, et heades oludes oskame me kõik elada, seda pole tarvis õpetada. Meie väärtus peitub hoopiski selles, kuidas me saame hakkama siis kui on raske. Selle asemel, et nõrkemiseni elimineerida kõike, mis potentsiaalselt ohtlik näib, tuleks hetkeks seisatada ja endale tunnistada, et su laps kohtab varem või hiljem õpetajaid, kellega pole klappi. Satub situatsioonidesse, mis on ebamugavad, ebaõiglased ja teevad haiget. Õige on ütlus, et vanemana saad sa olla vaid nii õnnelik kui sinu kõige õnnetum laps.

Nüüd on see koht, kus öelda, et lapsel peab olema lapsepõlv ja vanema ülesandeks on muuta see nii turvaliseks kui vähegi võimalik. Õige. Aga erinevalt lapsest on vanemal elukogemus, mis ütleb, et ideaalolukordi pole olemas. Kui laps ei oska veel raskustega toime tulla, peaksime meie vanematena seda siiski suutma. Alati pole võimalik muuta meid ümbritsevaid olusid, kuid meil on võimalik korrigeerida enda käitumist. Ja see ongi peamine, mida nad meilt õpivad. Kuidas me tahame, et meie lapsed käituksid siis kui on raske? Langeksid ahastusse või seisaksid sirgelt ja leiaks viisi, kuidas kehvast olukorrast välja tulla? Kõik takistused pole väärt pisaraid. Kõik kartused pole väärt hirmu. Ja tõeliselt tugev on see, kes hoolimata hirmudest tugevana püsib.

Meie lapsed pole meid tõepoolest valinud. Seda enam on nad ära teeninud selle, et meie oleme nende jaoks tugevad.

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