Peatagem vaikus!

MatthewMcVarishNeil päevil (oktoober 2013) kõndis Eestist läbi rahvusvahelise organisatsiooni Stop the Silence: Stop Child Sexual Abuse, Inc. ( „Lõpeta vaikus: lõpeta laste seksuaalne ärakasutamine”) euroopa saadik Matthew McVarish. Tema eesmärgiks on kõndida ühtekokku 10 000 miili (ca 16 000 km), külastada 32. Euroopa pealinna ja levitada sõnumit, et inimestel tuleb aidata oma ärakasutamisest rääkida ja neid juhtumeid tuleb õiguskaitsesüsteemil tõsiselt võtta.
Kohtusin temaga Pärnu Maavalitsuse saalis, kus ta rääkis oma missioonist.
Matthew McVarishi lugu
Matthew oli 4-5 aastane, kui tema kehalise kasvatuse õpetajast onu hakkas teda seksuaalselt kuritarvitama .
„Valehäbi ja hirm, et mu sõbrad hakkavad arvama, et olen gei, ei lasknud mul sellest kellegagi rääkida. Isegi mitte oma kolme vanema vennaga, kes kannatasid samal põhjusel.“ jutustas Matthew avameelselt oma lapsepõlvest.
Kui Matthew oli 15 aastane sattus tema vend, kes tol ajal oli 25 aastane, raske psühhoosiga haiglasse. See pani Matthew mõtlema, et kui ta ei soovi lõpetada samamoodi, peab ta abi otsima ja sellest rääkima hakkama.
17. aastaselt, peale keskooli lõpetamist lahkus ta kodust, asus tööle ja võttis ühendust lastekaitse töötajaga. Lapsepõlves kogetust üle saamine võttis tublisti aega ja palju psühholoogilist nõustamist.
Rääkides ühiskonna suhtumisest antud teemasse, nendib Matthew kurba tõsiasja: „ On tavaline otsida abi, kui sa murrad jalaluu, kuid hoopis teine asi on, kui sul on mõni psühholoogiline probleem. See peab muutuma, kuna mõjutab tugevalt inimese tervet elu.“

Missioonist
“Ma ei kõnni lihtsalt kõndimise pärast, vaid selleks, et Euroopas teadvustataks probleemi ja lisaks teadvustamisele loodaks ka võimalused sellega tegelemiseks“ selgitab Matthew.
Eestis viibitud päevade jooksul kohtus ta lasteombudsmaniga, ametnikega justiits- ja sotsiaalministeeriumist ning ajakirjanikega.
Pärnus olles sai ta juba olukorrast Eestis esimest kokkuvõtet teha. Siinkohal oli tal suur rõõm tõdeda, et meil kasutatakse palju kaasaegset tehnoloogiat, mis võimaldab lastel end paljus ka ise aidata.
Positiivsete näidetena tõi ta välja, et lapsed saavad otse ja anonüümselt suhelda politseiga facebookis, nad teavad kuidas esitada kaebust ja enamikel on olemas nutitelefonid, mis kõiki neid toiminguid toetavad.
„See on imeline !“ lausus ta „Soovin, et selline võimalus oleks ka teistes Euroopa riikides!“

Suure valukohana sel teemal, tõi Matthew välja tõsiasja, et seksuaalse kuritarvituse ohvrid julgevad sellest rääkida enamasti alles täiskasvanuna, kuid siis pole enam võimalik kurjategijat vastutusele võtta, kuna juhtum on seaduse järgi aegunud. Enamikes Euroopa riikides saab alaealise seksuaalse kuritarvitamise kohta kaebust esitada (tagasiulatuvalt) ohvri 18. eluaastani. Saksamaal on selleks vanusepiiriks 21 ja Suurbritannias 30.
Ja nii tekib ohvreid aina juurde, kuna kurjategijad jäävad vabadusse. Pahatihti on tegu lugupeetud kogukonna liikmetega, kes tegelevad igapäevaselt laste ja noortega.

Mis on seksuaalne väärkohtlemine?
Lapse seksuaalne väärkohtlemine ehk lapse seksuaalne kuritarvitamine on väärkohtlemise vorm, mille puhul täiskasvanu või nooruk kuritarvitab last seksuaalse stimulatsiooni eesmärgil. Sinna alla kuuluvad lapse kutsumine seksuaalsesse tegevusse või tema sundimine selleks (sõltumata tulemustest), suguelundite paljastamine lapse ees, pornograafia näitamine lapsele, seksuaalne kontakt lapsega, füüsiline kontakt lapsega, füüsiline kokkupuude lapse suguelunditega, lapse suguelundite vaatamine füüsilise kokkupuuteta ja lapse kasutamine lapspornograafia valmistamiseks.
Pahatihti toimub lapse kuritarvitamine pikema perioodi vältel ja saab võimalikuks jõupositsioonide erinevuse tõttu kuritarvitaja ja ohvri vahel.
Laste seksuaalse kuritarvitamise tegelikku ulatust pole teada. Enamik kuritarvituse juhtudest jäävad erinevatel põhjustel (valehäbi, hirm, eelarvamused, manipulatsioon jne) teatamata.
Juhtumid, millest teatatakse võivad olla väga erinevad, sõltuvalt kes ja kuhu sellest teada annab.
Vahel jätavad ka ametivõimud taolised teated tähelepanuta või ei võta piisavalt tõsiselt. Enamus kuritarvitatud lastest ei räägi sellest kunagi kellelegi.

Mis on tagajärjed?
Seksuaalne kuritarvitamine lapseeas jätab sügava jälje ohvri hinge, mõjutades tema toimetulekut täiskasvanuna.
Aastakümnete jooksul tehtud uuringute näitavad, et täiskasvanutel, keda on lapsepõlves seksuaalselt kuritarvitatud, kannatavad erinevate psühholoogiliste ja füsioloogiliste vaevuste ning sotsioloogiliste patoloogiate all, mille hulgas on posttraumaatiline stressihäire, ennasthävitav ja vägivaldne käitumine, enesetapp ja isegi kroonilised haigused.
Laste seksuaalne kuritarvitamine läheb ühiskonnale maksma miljardeid (meditsiiniline ja psühhiaatriline ravi, sotsiaalteenused, eriharidus spetsialistidele, õigus- ja kohtukulud, vangistus jne).

WHO (World Health Organisation) andmetel kuritarvitatakse potensiaalselt ühte tüdrukut neljast ja ühte poissi kuuest enne 18 aastaseks saamist. Ainuüksi Euroopas on 100 miljonit inimest, keda on lapsepõlves seksuaalselt kuritarvitatud.
SOS lasteküla andmetel registreeriti 2012. aastal Eestis 400 seksuaalkuritegu, millest kolmveerand oli toime pandud alaealiste suhtes.
Need drastilised numbrid näitavad, et laste seksuaalne kuritarvitamine pole ainult ühe piirkonna probleem, vaid ülemaailmne. Ekspertide hinnangul on tegemist varjatud epideemilise puhanguga, mis liigub üle maailma jättes endast maha sotsiaalse kaose kuritarvitatud laste ja kuritarvituse üle elanud täiskasvanute näol tervele ühiskonnale.

Seda kõike on võimalik ära hoida, ennetada ja ravida. Selleks on vaja pidevat teavitustööd kuid ka probleemi tunnistamist, mitte eitamist.

Matthew McVarish’ist ja tema teekonnast saad lähemalt lugeda siit —>

Eesti Rahvusringhääling kajastuse Matthew McVarish’i teekonnast leiad siit —>

Euroopa Liidu laste kuritarvitamise vastasest tegevusest saad lugeda siit—>

Kui lapsel(või ka täiskasvanul hädas oleva lapse pärast) on mure võib ta abi saada järgnevatelt veebilehtedelt:
www.lapsemure.ee
www.lasteabi.ee
www.kuriteoennetus.ee
www.lasteombudsman.ee

Abi on ka facebookis kättesaadav:
veebikonstaabel Maarja
veebikonstaabel Oksana (venekeelne)

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