Kuidas pojast feministi kasvatada?

Feminism. See on koleda kõlaga sõna, millel on alati juures mõnituse maik, kuigi selle sõna tegelik sisu ja tähendus lähevad tema kuvandist oluliselt lahku. Viimasel ajal olen ma naiste situatsiooni üle ühiskonnas palju juurelnud. Peamiselt olen ma jõudnud selle mõtteni, et me ise loome endale piirid ja eelkõige on naiste situatsioon ühiskonnas halvem seepärast, et naised ise lasevad endaga nõnda käituda. Kuid järele mõeldes pean tõdema, et see on asi, mille me saame kaasa kasvatusega. Ja kasvatus sõltub suuresti kultuuriruumist ning traditsioonidest.

Pooleldi juhuslikult olen ma viimasel ajal sattunud vaatama mitmeid videoid ning lugema selle teemalisi artikleid ning seega teema peale pikemalt mõelnud. Ma olen ema, kes kasvatab tütart. Ja vähem olulisem pole see, et ma kasvatan poega ning tema õpib minu näitel seda, kuidas naistesse suhtuda võib. Ma garanteerin teile – ta ei õpi mitte eeskätt sellest, kuidas käitub minuga tema isa või ükskõik milline teine mees, vaid sellest, kuidas mina neile situatsioonidele reageerin ja enesega käituda lasen.

Ma jäin mõtlema enda taustale ja kasvamisele, et kust ma üldse olen võtnud seisukoha, et mind minu sugu ei piira. Ja nii kummaline kui see ka pole, pean tunnistama, et põhjuseks on see, et minu vanemad ei elanud koos. Mul lihtsalt polnud mustrit, mida järgida. Seega, ma lõin enese oma.

Jah, tõsi. Ma siiski nägin kasvades väga lähedalt kõrvalt üht teist paari. Minu väga oluliseks osaks perekonnast olid ka mu vanaema ja vanaisa. Vanakooli inimesed, kes olid koos, sest nii pidi. Naine hoolitses kodu eest ja ülemäära suud ei pruukinud. Vanaisa ka eriti suud ei pruukinud, kuid kui lõpuks ütles, jäi talle viimane sõna.

Mingil põhjusel pidasin ma juba lapsena nende rolle pisut naeruväärseks. Ilmselt sain seda endale põhjendada sellega, et nemad on vanad, nemad ongi teistsugused kui minu noor ema. Et aeg ja kombed lähevad edasi. Ja lubasin endale suurt suud ning mässamist vanaema sootraditsiooniliste reeglite ja ootuste vastu.

Ju sealt mu usk tulebki. Mulle ju seati piirid, kuid ma astusin neist üle. Mu hea vanaema soovis ikka, et ma kombekaks ja alandlikuks neiuks sirguksin, kuid asjatult. Mind ajas erakordselt marru see, kuidas ootused ja kohustused poistele olid hoopis teised ning ma ei saanud selle ebaõiglusega kuidagi leppida. Ma ei tahtnud kunagi vanaemale meelega haiget teha, kuid ma ei saanud ka vaikides kannatada.

Naljakas on, et vähese jutu, kuid äkilise ja kannatamatu olekuga vanaisa ei piiranud mind selles osas kunagi. Ta ei üritanud kunagi suunata mind perenaiselike väärtuste juurde ning ta ei keelanud mul arvamust avaldada. Kui pahandada sain, siis ikka soost sõltumatute asjade eest. Vahel tundus, et ta lubas mulle rohkemgi kui teistele.

Kui ma vaatan tänast läänelikku ühiskonda, tuleb tõdeda, et teoreetiliselt on naised vabad. Ja eks kahtlemata on nad vabamad kui eales varem kogu inimkonna ajaloo jooksul. Traditsioonilise peremudeli mõju ehk kahaneb, kuid teisalt popkultuuri ja meedia oma kasvab, asendades vanad topeltmoraalid uutega. Naise kuvand läbi aja on muutunud, kuid mitte siiski tingimata paremuse poole.

Miljardiäri ma muuta ei saa, kuid ma saan pingutada selle nimel, et minu laste väärtused oleksid midagi enamat. Et mu tütar saaks kasvada enesekindlaks naiseks, kelle ainsaks õnnestumiseks siin elus ei oleks tema kehakaal ja perfektses korras kodu. Et minu pojast saaks kasvada mees, kel puudub alaväärsuskompleks tugevate naiste ees. Ma ei saa seda lubada, aga ma saan selle poole püüelda.

  57 comments for “Kuidas pojast feministi kasvatada?

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